She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
