Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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