Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
