i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
