Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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