the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
