Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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