so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
