Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
