Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
