I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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