I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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