in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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