pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
