My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
