News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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