plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
