I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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