I'm going to jail i love you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
