Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
