My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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