return my video game
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
