I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
