It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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