Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
