girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
