I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
