I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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