forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
