peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
