This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ladies don't puke and tell
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
