after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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