Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
