Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
