On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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