It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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