Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
