Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
