I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
