I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
