Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
false alarm, still single
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
