Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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