Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
