She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize