I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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