But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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