Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
