Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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