it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it glows. i had to have it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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