i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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