you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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