my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
