At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
