Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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