I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
