Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
