how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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