Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
