really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
