who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
