She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
