I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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