We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can text with my tongue
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
