i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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