so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
