He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
