Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
