Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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