I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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