We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
