Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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