i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
