you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
