we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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